My experience with ‘selective mutism’

Selective mutism is a type of anxiety disorder that is usually inherited and something that starts in early childhood. It leaves a person in a frozen state when placed in certain social settings, and even communicating with people you have known your entire life can be dreadful.

How selective mutism affects people

I remember struggling to communicate with my teachers, even girls who were in my school, neighbours and certain family members. There were times when I wanted to reach out people in my life, but this disorder trapped me. I remember once I visited my aunt’s house when I was 8/9 years old, and my cousins and some adults were laughing at me by looking at my dead face. I was unable to set myself completely free.

Facts about me:

I have had anxiety since my childhood.

I didn’t know I had anxiety until adulthood.

The type of anxiety I is called ‘selective mutism’

Anxiety has made me suffer mentally, emotionally and physically.

My mother used to tell me that I was a very quiet baby, and barely cry and lay in bed all day.

I remember going to kindergarten and not being able to communicate with teachers and other children. Sometimes I wanted to ask questions but the words would not come out of my mouth.

Having Selective mutism can also mean you have social anxiety, so making friends can be scary thing and sometimes you’re not able to make friends at all. So having anxiety prevented me to going up to the children or girls in my class and start conversation with them, but some girls used to come up to me and start a conversation, that was a blessing.

My anxiety became better as I grew older. In my high school i used to talk to my teachers and friends comfortably. But I never took part in other activities in school like speeches, plays. That was a short overlook of my childhood anxiety, but it continued even when I became mother.

My parents didn’t notice me at all, they never came to me talked to me what I am feeling, what I’m struggling with, what do I do in school, what is my role in my class etc.

I think parents play a BIG role in child’s upbringing and his personality. Providing food, shelter, clothes and education doesn’t mean you have played your role as a parent, and you have done with your parenting. Parenting is a huge task, to me it’s a never ending job, which we cannot take for granted. We as a parent should be aware of our child’s emotional needs as well as physical needs, and keep an eye on our child’s behaviour.

Writing my feelings into words wasn’t easy, but I will also be sharing my experience of having anxiety as a adult and as a mother.

Living a life full of anxiety can be isolating, so if you recognise signs of anxiety in loved ones, please reach out to them and be gentle with them.

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your experience and views on my post.

Love and light always. 💛

Published by kaynatumair

Mum, freelancer, independent woman, love reading and learning something new everyday 😊 Mindful living

2 thoughts on “My experience with ‘selective mutism’

  1. It must be tough but thank you for sharing. I came across this term but didn’t know what it meant or if anyone had this condition. I definitely learnt from your experiences and will try to keep an eye out for others who undergo this kind of anxiety 😊


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